My time, Not my time, His time.

I want to be in Heaven. I understand Paul and his fight when he pens those beloved words, "For me to die is gain, but to live is Christ." There are times when I covet the position of those who have died in Christ. I am hungry for being with Christ. I want to be near him, to know the comfort of heaven and to be honest, to be away from the pain of this life like those who have found their rest, the faithful ones who dwell in the light now. I wonder if they know what is going on here? Are the days of endless delight vacant of the emotional turmoil that we call living? Do they see? Do they know? I confess that I also rejoice at times that those whom I love are with Jesus and not watching this human wreckage. I am hopeful that they are spared the pain of seeing a ministry destroyed by a “tourist" who has divided and pitched fits of anger at the people he was sent to preach the gospel to, spared  seeing the pain of children growing up without him, spared seeing life torn apart by infidelity, spared the desperation of nations at war leaving human wreckage scattered.  Life is a mess, we make it a mess. Yes, I covet that blissful state. I want to be with Jesus now, but it is not my time. But: 

It is my time to redeem each day given. Each minute is a gift with a question: How will you use me? Teach my heart wisdom Lord, that I may number my days. 

It is my time to trust completely. I cannot see.  I don’t understand. I have been blindsided by the effects of sin in loved ones, but my Father in heaven has always been faithful. Even though humans disappoint, God never does. I should trust him blindly and freely. Complete abandon to HIm. 

 It is my time to redeem the pain. For we know that there is no pain without a purpose and that there is hope in the midst of the hurt. 

It is my time to shine my light for Jesus in the darkness. The darkness only endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Darkness does not overcome the light, but is always overcome by the light. Jesus is the light that dwells in me, in Him there is no darkness. 

 It is my time to stand in the gap for others and to seek to be the hands and feet of Christ, my living head. I can be a shoulder to cry on, a voice on the phone, an email, a prayer offered together. 

It is my time to “fear not,” to be at “peace,” and to "still" and "quiet" my soul like a “weaned child on his mother.” 

It is my time to pray. There is never a time not to pray, but it is time to rise up and pray like a house on fire. It is my time to kneel down and plead like my life depended on it. Pray without ceasing Yes, it is my time. 

 It is not my time to question why a wife of many years would leave husband and children for another person. It is not my place to question why a man would commit numerous infidelities and walk out on his family. 

It is not my time to question the fairness of one person being healed from cancer while a little, precious child clings to life fighting the awful disease. 

It is not my time to understand the trials of diabetes as it slowly debilitates the body. 

It is not my time to question why the wicked seem to prosper, for we know as the psalmist says,"...their end."

It is not my time to be able to pay for the friend facing financial ruin. My Father in heaven who owns all is working out these things. He withholds and He gives. 

It is not my time to understand babies being murdered, christians being beheaded and driven from their homelands, children being victimized and sold as slaves for immoral purposes. 

It is not a day for me to understand. My Father has not given an answer to all the pain. 

However, He has given me His word and it is my time to draw near with full confidence to Him. It is time to cling to the arms of Jehovah and cry the tears of my heart. He will hold me and my loved ones in pain. He will catch my tears in His bottle, keeping better care of them than I. He will hear my heart which even I do not understand. I can commit my loved ones to Him and know that He loves them more than I do. He cares. He loves so much that He gave His only son. What greater assurance could He give? Oh, weak and trembling heart, behold your God. Commit your times to Him and rest in His care. For one day, it will be time for Him to show his wondrous works. There is a time, but it is HIS time.